Anonymous asked:
Your being way over dramatic. Your insecurity is really ridiculous. You seem to get mad a your fiance for every little thing he does. Also maybe you should talk to him about your feelings and your depression. If he does not care maybe you 2 should split up. everyone deserves someone who loves them but if you consistently complain to tumblr your relationship will not get better only worse. Also you should defiantly see someone about your depression bottling it up only makes it worse.

I know get over dramatic sometimes. I do see someone for my depression now and it’s better. My fiancĂ© and I are better. With the adjustment of little sleep with a newborn it got the best of me. I am insecure, yes and yes, that insecurity got worse after having my baby. Whose doesn’t after gaining 70 pounds and only losing 10 after having the baby? I vent on tumblr when I’m angry at that moment and then I feel better once I say what’s bothering me out loud. So no I don’t bottle up what’s wrong. I’ll write about it. But thanks for being so judge mental and kinda rude about it. I don’t post for other peoples opinions. I post my feelings to make me feel better. I dont ask for pitty or sympathy. These extra 60 pounds I carry around on me were gained while I grew a life in me. And I love my daughter more than life itself. So before you go at me and judge me, look at group pages/blogs specifically for new moms and see how many are just like me if not worse.


Vent

Im ready to put Emma in the car and just drive. You pissed ME off not the other way around. I have every reason to be mad. Instead of doing the smart thing and be nice you chose to continue pissing me off. Getting dinner for just yourself knowing I haven’t ate and eating in front of me? Turning my movie off and switching to sports? Now taking my tv away completely for fucking video games? I should have never come home until you were ready to apologize and showed you wanted me here. I’m sure your mom already called and you two talked shit behind my back. Well guess what, I’m a damn good fucking mom and nobody will pressure, guilt trip or force me into anything I’m not comfortable with. So go ahead and talk shit to your mom and Gregg. I know who really supports my decisions and respects my rules. Maybe Emma and I should leave until you pull your head out of your ass.

"Baby blues"

Most people get the “baby blues” after having a baby. I don’t feel depressed, I feel more disgusted with myself. I hate the way I look. I feel I’m not attractive at all. I feel Adam isn’t attracted to me now that my looks changed. I feel I’m a horrible person. When a baby cried everyone says “is mommy being mean to you” in a joking way. Well I take that seriously. Nobody puts my feelings into consideration. They think I’m just being dramatic. Don’t they say express how you feel, don’t hold it in? Well I am. Nobody listens or cares :(

Vent

I’ve been pissed off all day at Adam for not getting out of bed. Then once he does he lays on the couch with Emma and goes back to sleep. So I started goofing off with his phone to make him mad. I ended up finding something he knows I’m strongly against and promised he hasn’t watched since he’s been with me. I found downloaded porn videos. I know they weren’t there before I had Emma. He knows how I feel about myself after having Emma. I’ve spent hours crying when he’s at work because I feel he’s not attracted to me anymore now that I had a baby. I gained weight and have horrible stretch marks. What guy would be attracted to that? Once I found those I put his phone down, took the baby from him to lay her down and confronted him about it. 4 hours later and I still won’t look at or speak to him. He hates the silent treatment. And now that we can have sex again, he gets to wait longer. I have no sympathy. It’s his own fault. Lying doesn’t fly with me. And watching porn is a big no. He’s always known that. Let’s see how long it takes for him to feel bad and apologize, if he even does.

3 weeks post delivery

My daughter is 3 weeks old. I’ve got to the point now where when I’m alone at home with her, I cry. I cry over a lot of things. And when I try to explain it to my fiancĂ©, he just doesn’t understand. I’m always not doing enough in his eyes. I always hear “I’m the one that works, not you”. Taking care of a baby is a full time job. Especially when she’s up every 2 hours to eat or goes through some days being really fussy. I let him sleep all night and not get up when she does. I sleep on the couch to leave our room quiet for him. I’m no where near comfortable leaving my daughter with anyone and everyone keeps demanding I go back to work. The thought of that sends my mind into depression mode. I’m trying so hard to stay away from depression because I have no one to talk to about it that’ll understand or care. I’m not even comfortable with other people holding my daughter but how can I tell them no?

I’m with my daughter all day everyday. I know what she likes and what she doesn’t. I don’t care if someone had kids and knows what they’re doing. If I don’t want you doing that with my daughter, you won’t do it. End of story. If she starts crying when you’re holding her, give her to me. If she’s asleep when you see her, don’t touch her and let her sleep. It makes me so mad when someone tries telling me how to raise my kid. She’s mine and I’m doing a damn good job with her. I won’t bring her around you if you won’t accept my rules.

Adam has all the time in the world for his video games but hasn’t got sweet on me since i had my daughter. A few kisses and an I love you is so much less than what he used to do. I know he loves me and isn’t going anywhere but I feel he’s being distant now. It kills me and he doesn’t even know it.

If things keep getting worse, I may end up calling a doctor for depression. It seems holding my daughter is the best way to make me happy.

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